Daring Greatly
It's no secret I am a Brené Brown fan. I have read many of her books, and although I recommend all of them, this one was a highlight for me. Technically, I listened to most of her books because she narrates her audio books, total bonus. Brown is a shame and vulnerability researcher who studies how to live wholeheartedly. Her ideas come from her grounded theory research rather than any political, emotional or even a theory based viewpoint. I also loved Untamed by Glennon Doyle, which has the same essence of finding courage, but her political stance and emotional state might be too much for some. Brown is a captivating storyteller. The title, Daring Greatly, comes from the Theodore Roosevelt quote:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” —Theodore Roosevelt
It is a call to courage using vulnerability and openness. Recognizing blame and shame and having mechanisms to stop giving it and how to deal with receiving it. It's a call to fail over and over again and have the courage to get up and try again. (Her book, Rising Strong, also a good one, talks about how to keep picking yourself up after failure). My favorite part of Daring Greatly is "The story I am making up" part. I think practicing this in my daily life has made a difference.
She gives an example of coming out of a meeting and your coworker snaps at you. Do you react back? Or do you "embrace the suck" of how that comment made you feel because of the story you made up about the intention of the comment. That story you made up might create more anxiety and stress when it is exactly that: A story that you made up. It's also good to write down everything you are feeling after that comment to discharge any emotion on paper, rather than on person. Once you have let that go and are calm, approach the co worker asking why he/she made that comment. Hear their story. They might be having a bad day, or they may have just found out bad news and discharged on you. Or if there is something he/she needed to talk about to clear the air, you were the brave person to initiate the communication. It takes vulnerability and courage to investigate the comment and "leaning in" to the discomfort of the situation. In an uncomfortable situation, you are brave to go into it, not away. It gives the person the benefit of the doubt. In turn, that gains trust and an open opportunity for communication - a bonding moment.
I see this happening so much in the tech age. Emails misinterpreted. Text messages gone wrong. (Here is my favorite skit about that) and since we are interacting less face to face, we are losing important communication skills that foster trust, friendships, and good working relationships. Check out this list from her blog and start with any of her books. You won't regret it!